I cant save everyone, I try honestly very hard. I just can't but if I can help you. Don't hesitate to ask. Really even if it is something so simple that you feel super dumb about asking for it. Please ask. I like to feel needed.

"What we are is more important than what we have been, And what we can become is more important than what we are."

-Dr. Brent Barlow

I have probably started this blog out about ten diffrent ways...well more like eleven but i just cant figure out what to write about. I want to say that i am going crazy and turning in a cowgirl and feeling super down to earth and happy again. I feel like i have been in constant recovery sence July and i am finally to the point that i have changed so much about myself, my hair, my clothes, my room, my friends, school, music, style, singing style, and again i am changing my music styling, i am set in a country rut. (I feel like my voice was ment to sing this kind of music.) so because i have changed this much i finally feel like i have changed enough and am finally what i wanna be.

Well i am in a blank.

I dont have much to say but that i finally feel like i am where i want to be and i am very happy about it.

and i dont care what anyone says about that fact. I'm proud of what i am changing into.

Oh my hair.

I have stayed home twice this week, one from sickness, and one from pure embarrassment. Last night we dyed my hair (at least tried) with Henna, 7/11 Coffee and mass amounts of heat and then waited, the finished result was me smelling like a farm and a cup of coffee and having my Blondie patch turn a very unappealing colourful shade of green. We washed it and i cant get the smell out so i just stayed home. We are going to dye it again with REAL dye in about an hour or so.
So here is my advice, dont use henna to colour your hair. TADA!

I think that i have picked my song for my audition. its either "Abide with me, tis eventide" or "In the arms of an Angel" by: Sarah McLachlan
I need help choosing.

I apologize for the rambling..

Well hello there, I again apologize fully for not writing very much. I haven't had alot to say at all just going on day to day doing what I do. I am trying to find my calling and figure out what i am doing with my life right now.

1. I'm a Junior in High School.
2. I work weekends.
3. I wish i hadn't stopped playing the violin.
4. I am working to be Art Royalty.
5. I need a piano player for #4
6. I wish i had thought more about school and grades now that they matter with my career choice.
7. I am praying i get accepted into the Dental Assisting program.
8. Hoping that my 3.0 is enough.

I am trying to do alot now but it feels like i am not really working on anything, i get up and go to school come home sit around, watch House with Jordan and then go to bed and do it again. I switched it up and went to a play lastnight, which i may say was amazing. "You can't take it with you" very good. I saw coach Lewis which brought me back to Jr. High...oh Jr. High those were really good years, I had magnificent amount of close friends, every day was different. I was in plays which took so much of my time, they stressed me out so much...yet i loved every moment of them, even when i wanted to quit.
Now being in High School, many things have changed for the good and bad. I stopped acting, which i regret but i just feel like i can only do Shakespeare, I don't think that i could honestly read anything else. Shakespeare was just so simple, so elegant, it just rolled off your tongue, it was pure poetry. I stopped playing the Violin after four years, i was sick of it, but now i regret it fully. I lost close friends, which turned out to be for the good surprisingly because i could see that i couldn't have counted on them at all. And once they were gone i got to see their true colours, which to my eyes was very disappointing.
Now...Junior year is in the "Final Stretch" and from here on out is just a straight shot to summer, i am surprised that i have made it through this year with only about one close friend (that isnt related to me) and i am very happy and thank this person (You know who you are.)

I understand that if people read this they are not gonna understand it and it is just kinda coming out as blah blah blah....and maybe it is because i am sick today, and stayed home and was like ahhhhhh! but these are just the thoughts of the day.

She swore it NEVER OCCURED!

I feel so bad for not blogging at all! Just busy is all, and not really anything too exciting to really blog about. I wanted to get on today during Computer Technology but i just didn't. Hmmm so what do i have to say. Well today i woke up and got ready went to school I had English first period we are reading "The Great Gatsby" I like how they talk in that book super old school but not you know, they just use words that we don't really use anymore, i'm gonna try to. Then in Medical Anatomy we finished our presentations, i still think that the "Back-up" project was the total best (cause i did it not to sound too cocky!) but it went good and i am proud that we did so good and i learned a lot more about Epilepsy. Then after that we learned all the main sections of the brain, like all the lobes and stuff, he doesn't want to go to in depth now cause he really doesn't want us to fail i guess. Friday we are doing eye dissections! ah we get to do our own too! holy cow my nails better not rip through the gloves like they did with the Heart! that was so so so grossss! Then in ASL we started to do our Script Story Board its gonna rock, i'll post it when it is finished in like a month. then Computer tech....well that was it nothing much to blog about sorry. Got to go need to start on the script and then me and jordan are going out to dinner! BYE!

When i grow up i wanna be....I dont know...a vampire bat?

Oh back in the day... Ha Ha back last year i took pictures of positivly everything i could with my phone camera and it doesnt have the best quality but this ----> is one of my favorites, even if that day i was upset and it was raining and i had gotten all dolled up for the day and we went and got soaked and stood under a tent of painted fairy's for an hour waiting for the rain to stop. i got sick and we went home. but minus all that stuff i got some beautiful pictures that will be in my blogs, sorry this will be long but just bare with me k? :)

Sometimes i think that i should have taken photography classes, and sometimes i dream of being a photographer but then at the same time i don't like taking pictures for a specific purpose, i do it for that one moment...when the light is right...and its a little overcast... and you got it...that perfect picture that's what i enjoy about it. i couldn't pose people i can hardly pose myself for pictures. But when you get a good person to photograph than its great, like Jordan for instance (yes Jordan i am using you as an example) she knows what she is doing all i have to do is hold the camera and she does the rest she knows where the light is and she knows what poses make the best picture those people who understand that should do photography. haha i just take my pictures for my own joy.

Another one is a Chef and not a "Cook" but a Chef the head person, the person who decides everything. i wanted to be a personal chef the ones that are in the big rich peoples houses or in hotels or on cruise ships that would be my dream job because i absolutely love to cook i love making beautiful food that tastes even better than it looks. I may not like pretty much 3/4 of the food in the world but cooking it...and making it look...simply beautiful...that's what makes it so wonderful to me....but the down side is the schools that i could get a job like that from are like $15,000 dollars to go to and they only take like 35 students at a time...ouch so that was out and to get that level of doing it in someones house i would need two internships....at DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!! $22,000 EACH!!! holymoly!!! so... that's the thing that snatched that away and that the closest one that i wanna go to is in Vegas...:(

And now i am where i am today... is it Massage Therapy...i love that sort of stuff i love the body and i think it is one of the most amazing things in the whole wide world to work with and learn about and you can never know EVERYTHING about it because everything is so deep and complicated and that fascinates me. the only down side of that is that i cant stand blood or guts or any of that i wanted to vomit during the heart dissections (warm and full of blood) and i couldn't watch the frog dissections last year (cold dead and no blood) just thinking of cutting into a body is disgusting!! so massage therapy is good cause i can work with a body without cutting it open. but now i am second guessing it cause ya know its hard to get clients and everyone i bring it up with shuts it down saying that it wont pay enough and such..but its only $3,000 something dollars to get my certifications for it. that's why it is so appealing...cause school expensive.

But i have been thinking about Nursing i know it is gross at first and stuff but you probably get desensitized eventually, and i wouldn't want to be a nurse at a doctors office, i would want to be one at like a Nursing home or a school nurse maybe ones that work in the chiropractor's places or eye doctors...so this summer i am getting my CNA. hard decision but i decided. well i am going to end my blog there...i don't know what i wanna be when i grow up but i gotta think quick cause it will be here sooner than i know.

SORRY I MISSED DAYS

Oh man i feel so bad for not blogging! i wanted to do it everyday but i simply fell behind. i am using my mom's laptop (i hate typing on lap tops especially with acrylics nails) so not much has happened in the days that i missed, just school and such. but... I CUT ALL MY HAIR OFF!!! i would post a picture but i cant because this is not my computer and i don't have my pictures on it but it is short and hawked at the top. i did it cause i needed a drastic change, i was hoping that if i looked very different my personality would change with it, and maybe if i had a bold cut then i would have more confidence because to have really out there hair you have to wear it it cant be wearing you. so all in all i felt very confident and happy today so maybe my plan worked. i'm worried about the way more people will react to it, i mean like people in public or at work i know people in school loved it today people i didn't even know where coming up to me and talking and smiling and touching my hawk, i have never felt that noticed in school sense i hung out with the "popular" girls in the 6th grade but even that wasn't like this. but this also had its down side when i had finished getting it done i had to go to walmart to buy some bows so i wouldn't look like a boy, so i was walking in the hair isle and these dudes called me a boy :( but i guess its ok, it only worried me for like what... hours:( but its ok i am over it and i feel very good and confident now. but that is what is going on. i i have also had the overwhelming need to sing and sing loud and often, so i am doing that now, i love to sing and am sad i am not in choir anymore but there was simply no room for it. so i sing at home and in the car on the way to work...oh that drive to work i so nice i sing loud and strong and it gets me a little more relaxed to go to work and i just feel better singing is amazing. ha ha so that is my thought today i think everyone should sing more. you should sing and often. "you should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how" -Gone With the Wind (one of my top five movies) well it is time to go watch American idol, i only watch the tryouts they are the best, but i'm always a night behind. so ta ta!